KING MICK OF JERILDERIE
“ … Who would want to be a king, anyway? …”
A renowned Medieval researcher, Dr. Michael Jones, has declared that the reigning queen of England, Elizabeth, is falsely enthroned as the royal monarch because her ancestor, Edward IV, was a bastard.
The legal heir to the throne is a Jerilderie forklift driver, British-born Michael Abney-Hastings, an avowed Republican.
The crown should rightfully have passed down via another royal lineage which ends, ironically, with the 62-year-old pommy immigrant.
On hearing the news, King Mick of Jerilderie said it was highly unlikely that he would be knocking on the front door of Buckingham Palace to claim the crown, nor would he send the queen a bill for back rent.
King Mick, a widower, with two sons, three daughters and five grand-children, lives contented on his own 2400 hectare property 400 miles south-west of Sydney.
His rural highness told a TV interviewer: “Who would want to be a king, anyway … I was surprised all right. But I don’t have any intention of leaving Jerilderie.”
Dr. Jones finding is that Edward IV, who reigned from 1461-1483, was conceived when his parents were living 160 kilometers apart.
The royal hubby, Richard Duke of York, was battling with the French at Pontoise, near Paris, while his dearly beloved (?) , Lady Cicely Neville, was at court at Rouen.
It was locally rumoured that the lady was spending a great deal of time dallying in the company of a French archer whose name was Blaythorne.
One time, in a public place, King Louis XI, of France, is recorded as shouting for all to hear (referring to her son): “Everyone knows his name is Blaythorne!”
A determind public relations campaign was launched by the family, suggesting that conception had occurred when Richard and Cicely were sailing for France. This would have meant an 11-month pregnancy – but, in those days, who counted?
If, as the latter-day historian claims, Edward was illegitimate, the crown should have been inherited by his brother, George, the Duke of Clarence.
Edward’s playful mother, Cecily, was said to have had a prickly temper.
A visitor to London, in 1483, reported that he saw Cecily falling “into a frenzy”, and making the claim that her son, Edward, was a bastard. We can only assume that her outburst was meant in its most literal sense and she was not just giving vent to a tantrum.
It was generally noted at the time that young Edward had no physical similarities with Cecily or Richard; he, in fact, had the hefty physique of a muscled archer!
Edward first saw the light of day on April 28, 1442.
Because he had been unofficially conceived, he was not entitled to inherit the English throne.
His younger brother, George, was the fly in the royal ointment, so Edward had George tried for treason; he is said to have met a pleasant death by drowning in a big vat of wine to save himself the shame of execution.
Thereafter, all of George’s descendants were treated horribly.
His daughter, Margaret, who should have become Margaret I of England, was beheaded at the age of 68, based on falsified treason allegations.
As the royal executioner was indisposed, his deputy, who had very little skill at axemanship, was unable to perform properly and so he kept chopping away at the poor woman’s neck until she finally expired.
The English royal lineage continued erroneously until the present time.
The true King of England, Michael Hastings, of Jerilderie, left his homeland as a 17-year-old in 1960, landing in Australia to become a stock and station agent, as well as trading in livestock and property.
He has lived happily in Jerilderie (population 110) since 1966.
These days he works as a forklift driver for the Australian Rice Research Institute.
King Mick proclaimed: “I’m definitely a Republican … I honestly feel in this day and age Australia should be standing on its own feet in everything, and that means we have to become a republic …”
His eldest son, Simon, has not yet mentioned inheriting his crown.
“But,” said his royal old man, “he’ll have to wait. It’s not available until I go.”
In the meantime, Buckingham Palace has declined invitations to comment on the matter.
Three Cheers for King Mick!
— James · 21 January 2008 · #
Lovely to see information on HRH Sir Michael Abney-Hastings (14th Earl of Loudon). I am a great fan of his.
Princess Maria Sviatopolk-Mirski/London/UK
— Princess Maria Sviatopolk-Mirski · 6 January 2010 · #